


bad moon rising

by voidisa



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Violence, mentions of other Organization members - Freeform, they are babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25035304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidisa/pseuds/voidisa
Summary: i see troubles on the way...Or, the first time Saïx goes berserk and the aftermath.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	bad moon rising

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like this needed to be written. Not sure if anyone else has done it, but it's been something that I've wanted to work on for a long time, so here we gooooo.

"Isa?" Axel called quietly, his voice hanging heavily in the silence of the castle. He waited for a moment, then knocked lightly on the door, once, twice, three times. 

Still no answer. He clutched his chakrams to his chest and waited for another long, tense minute before he finally heard the dull thud of footsteps padding toward him. He felt...well, he didn't really feel anything, but the familiar reaction of relief and excitement flooded his body. He no longer had a heart to tell him how to feel. 

"Axel, it's two in the morning," his best friend said as he threw open the door, rubbing his purple-ringed eyes and trying to avoid the bandages that criss-crossed over his face in the shape of an X. He'd been wearing them since they had arrived in this nonexistent world...one, maybe two weeks ago? It was hard to tell time here. "And you can't call me Isa anymore. That's not my name." 

Axel shuddered a little at the edge in Isa's -- Saïx's -- voice. He hated when the other boy called him by his new name so effortlessly. As if their lives hadn't been turned upside down, as if their identities hadn't been stolen from them. Fifteen years old and they had already managed to lose themselves before life had even begun. 

"Sorry," he murmured, and for a second he felt the familiar pressure behind his eyes as if he was going to cry, then touched the teardrops that Isa had drawn for him underneath his eyes and sighed. "Saïx. I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go train. It's easier to get the room to ourselves in the middle of the night." 

Saïx frowned. Axel knew by the gray, droopy, aged look on his friend's face that he was not getting a lot of rest. He tried to hide it, but it was clear that he stayed up trapped in his own thoughts and schemes and could barely shuffle around the castle during the day, much less carry out any missions. He did them anyway, though it drained him. 

"Were you having trouble sleeping?" Axel asked, just to get some sort of conversation out of him. 

"Yes," Saïx replied, "but I'll be fine to train with you."

Axel nodded, cracking a small smile. "Good. We need to be prepared when we --"

"Shh." Saïx clapped a hand over his mouth and shook his head, glancing around the hallway as if there could be someone lurking there and listening in on them. Axel had checked the hallway before he came down here, so he knew they were perfectly alone, just as he liked it. "Just let me get my sword real quick…" 

Axel ignited a flame in his hand, beaming with pride at the tiny orange light. Obviously this wasn't something he had been able to do when he lived in Radiant Garden, but ever since the incident in the castle and losing his heart, things had been changing rapidly for him. For everyone. Vexen had ice powers, Zexion could create illusions. Just a few days ago, Axel had discovered that he could produce fire. 

It was during training when he realized it. Lexaeus had taken him, Saïx, and Zexion down to one of the training rooms to work on fighting technique and what to do when they were in an extreme bind and on their last leg. Lexaeus was good at pushing them until they were quite literally on the verge of passing out from battle, and while Saïx lay in shambles, panting and sweating on the ground from the fight, Axel tried in vain to defend their honor against the former guard who seemed intent on just destroying them all one by one. When Zexion's attacks failed and Lexaeus landed another hit to Axel that sent him stumbling and reeling with neither of his chakrams in hand, the flames ignited. 

At first, it was barely there, just a flicker of wispy smoke that faded away almost immediately. Then, as Lexaeus moved in for another swift blow, both of Axel's hands burst into flames, and before he could even think of what he was doing, he threw them at the larger man as easily and as naturally as if it were his chakrams. He dodged, narrowly missing, and allowed Axel to claim the victory in celebration of his newfound abilities. Ever since then, he'd been using fire for just about any reason he could think of to use it. 

So far, Saïx had not shown any new skills or powers other than his almost natural ability to wield his claymore. It was scary, like it was just a long extension of his body that he had full control over. Axel didn't think he would ever be able to fight as gracefully as Saïx did. 

"What are you doing?" Saïx hissed as he emerged again from his room, a scowl on his face and his awkwardly large claymore slung over his scrawny shoulder. He closed the door, then shot a pointed glare at Axel standing bathed in the dim light of the flame. "Someone is going to wake up and see us." 

Axel shook his head, smiling. "Who cares? I wanted to see you." He held his hand up closer to Saïx's face, where he could see flame flickering in his eyes and casting shadows across his pale face. It was ominous and powerful and beautiful all at the same time, and it took every ounce of willpower for Axel not to just stand there and stare at him all night. That might have somehow been more rewarding than the training. 

Saïx frowned, his distaste reaching all the way to his eyes. "What are you looking at?" 

"Nothing. You're pretty." Axel reached out with his free hand and poked at Saïx's cheek, and Saïx pushed him away, turning his head in shame. It might have just been the light, but Axel could swear that his cheeks heated to a pale pink. 

"Shut up, no I'm not," Saïx grumbled, pointing to his face. "I've got this huge, ugly scar --" 

"So? It doesn't matter. I just like looking at you." Axel reached out, gently running his hands over the fresh bandages they'd applied that afternoon, then offered a smile and his hand, which Saïx accepted almost with relief. His hand fit perfectly in Axel’s, as if they were cut from the same stone, and if it was up to Axel, he would never let go of him. 

“Is it still hurting?” he asked as they walked down the hallway. The castle was still under construction, which was something that the Nobodies worked on in their own time without their leader’s help because...well, Xemnas was strange, and he disappeared most hours of the day when they weren’t having terribly long, boring meetings in the Round Room, which mostly consisted of him prattling on about Kingdom Hearts and what they can do to bring it into existence. Boring. When he wasn’t prattling on in the Round Room, he was waxing poetic on the many balconies that had been constructed, mostly to himself, but sometimes to an audience of confused and bored Nobodies. 

“No, not really,” Saïx replied, and he looked so dreary when he said it that Axel nestled up closer to him, their shoulders brushing just slightly and lighting a fire on Axel’s skin that he was sure had nothing to do with his new powers. “I just don’t want to look at it.” 

“So you’re just going to wear bandages your whole life?” They were approaching Twilight’s View now, a quiet stairwell that led to the next level of the castle. Saïx had named it. At first, the name was kind of funny, and no one made fun of it nearly as much as Axel did, but Saïx insisted that because the castle was so large, it would benefit all of them if they designated names to different areas so that they would all know exactly where they were referring to. It made sense, and Xemnas seemed really pleased with the idea, so Twilight’s View came into existence, and then many other names that they all sat around and came up with for laughs and to see who could come up with the most dramatic. It became a game of sorts. 

Saïx did not participate because he didn’t think it was all that fun. Instead, he took Xemnas’s approval as a sign that he could progress forward in their newfound organization and be his second-in-command, which would benefit him and Axel both. And their friend. Now, it was as if everything he did was plotting and scheming and planning against the Organization instead of just trying to live his life. Axel was afraid he was going to get so obsessed with their mission that he would forget about doing anything else. And by anything else, he meant spending time with him. 

So far, he hadn’t forgotten about him, but Axel couldn’t be quite so sure for the future. He just didn’t want to lose his best friend. So what if they didn’t have their hearts? They knew they cared for each other. The feelings weren’t there, but the memories were. 

“If I have to, I suppose I will,” Saïx answered. “It’s a mark of weakness, if you ask me.” 

Axel shook his head, squeezing Saïx’s hand in his own. “No. It’s a mark of bravery.” 

Saïx glanced at him and said nothing, but Axel could see the tiniest smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Saïx hardly ever smiled nowadays. It was a welcome sight, and one that made Axel feel almost like there were butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 

“Hall of Empty Melodies,” Axel said, nudging Saïx lightly in the arm. That had been Vexen’s idea, proving that he absolutely did have a sense of humor because Axel had laughed about it for days. None of them thought they could ever top that. That is, until Zexion had come up with Nothing’s Call and Xigbar had come up with Altar of Naught, which is where they gathered for biweekly poetry nights featuring Xemnas and no one else. Those were the worst nights, even worse than the nights when Xaldin threw together casseroles for all of them out of random ingredients he found in the kitchen. 

“Hey, is something bothering you?” Axel asked, when Saïx showed no sign of even hearing him. “We don’t have to train tonight if you don’t want to.”

“Hmm? No, I’m fine. In fact, I think it would be in my best interest to train. Perhaps it would keep me out of my thoughts for a while.” Saïx frowned, and his gaze fell to the tiny flame cupped in Axel’s palm, studying it as if it held some sort of great secret they could use in their mission to find their friend. However, Axel knew that wasn’t the trouble that his friend was facing. 

“Hey, cheer up!” he exclaimed. “I’m sure whatever you can do is a thousand times more powerful than anything I can do. I know that because, well…” 

Because Ansem hurt you. Bad. Weren’t all the greatest superheroes the ones who had endured the most trauma? That’s how it had been in Axel’s comic books, anyway. 

“I’m sure it’s just building up, you know? Like a charger. It’s taking a long time because it’s so powerful. It’s going to be something cool, like telekinesis or flying or invisibility!” 

“You’re being naive, Axel. And besides, I don’t care about powers. I have my sword.” 

Axel frowned, poking his lower lip out into a pout. It hurt when Saïx insulted him, looking down upon him as if he wasn’t capable of seeing things the same way that he did. He always knew that Saïx was smarter, but he didn’t necessarily like being reminded of it. 

What hurt worse, though, was that Saïx was lying, and he felt powerless and weak. And jealous. Axel didn’t want his friend to hurt. He extinguished the flame and plunged them into complete darkness, which was sad, because now he couldn’t see Saïx’s face. But he could feel their fingers intertwined, and that was good enough for now. 

“We could have just used a corridor of darkness to get up here,” Saïx said as they entered one of the training rooms. Descent Into Madness was the working title for this place. “Then we wouldn’t have had to walk.” 

“Yeah, but corridors of darkness give me the creeps,” Axel said, shuddering as he reluctantly pulled away from Saïx. He slipped his chakrams from their holding bag he had slung over his shoulder and glanced over at his friend, who was wandering around aimlessly and dragging his heavy claymore across the ground, looking around the room as if he didn’t quite know how he’d gotten here. “Isa?” 

That got his attention. He turned his head quickly, scowling, and said, “Don’t call me that anymore.” 

“Sorry...I’m just worried about you, you know?” Axel ran a hand through his hair, trying to smile, but Saïx wasn’t really interested in the friendly gesture. 

“Stop being afraid of everything and feeling sorry for us, okay? Just accept that this is life now and get over it.” Saïx turned his back to him, walking along the length of the room and dragging the claymore behind him as he looked up at the ceiling, which opened up into a skylight that allowed the moon and the stars to shine down on them. 

Axel frowned. Usually when Saïx got into these moods, he tried to absorb the blows and turn it into laughter and jokes, but he wasn’t sure if he had it in him tonight. Tonight, he was just worried. On Saïx’s fifth round of the room, with his claymore now slung over his shoulder again, Axel stepped in front of him and put his hands on his shoulders, which seemed to startle him right out of some sort of dream. His eyes widened and his lips parted with unspoken words, and Axel nearly melted at how soft he looked. It was such a rare look, a look that only graced his features in the minutes before he fell asleep and the seconds before he leaned in for a kiss. His eyes always darkened and crinkled around the edges, and his cheeks flushed just the slightest pink. 

The first time that Axel had seen this look, he swore that he was in love. But he never said it out loud. He was too afraid of ruining whatever good thing they had. 

“I didn’t want to use a corridor of darkness because I wanted to walk with you,” Axel said. 

Saïx frowned in confusion, his eyebrows knitting together in the middle. “We could still walk together --” 

“Yeah, but it’s not the same!” Axel exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “It’s just...just walking normally makes it feel like maybe everything is okay and we can kind of keep things the way they were.” 

Saïx shook his head, his hand coming to rest on his temple as if Axel was giving him a headache. “Nothing is the same anymore.” 

“But we’re the same, aren’t we?” Axel reached out and took Saïx’s free hand in both of his, squeezing it tightly. It was nearly impossible to read his friend’s expressions anymore; he only fluctuated between boredom, anger, and some sort of sleep-deprived, dazed confusion. In the rarest of moments, he was an open book, flourishing like a flower in full bloom with bright, shimmering eyes and shaking hands and tensed breathing as he stared at Axel’s face, his gaze moving from his eyes to his lips every few seconds as if begging for something he was too afraid (or too proud) to do. 

This was one of those moments, and Axel obliged by his wishes and closed the gap between them, his lips brushing Saïx’s for just a brief moment before pulling away. He heard the claymore clatter to the ground, and as the ringing echoed in his ears, he felt Saïx’s arms curl around his waist and draw him back against his body. It startled him at first, because Isa had never been quite so bold with him when they had hearts, and he’d been even more distant since they got to this world, but he welcomed it easily enough. His own arms wrapped around Saïx’s neck, and his fingers glided through his long hair. It had grown a little since they’d been here. It was still just as soft, though, and he still smelled like vanilla and midnight. 

“No,” Saïx said as he pulled away eventually, breathless and flushed, and he rested his forehead against Axel’s as they stood there, still wrapped in one another’s arms and just breathing each other in. For a second, Axel could swear that he could feel their hearts beating together again, fast and rampant like little hummingbird wings, but then it was gone, and his body was just as hollow as before. “I would say we’re not quite the same anymore.” 

Axel smiled, pressing a kiss to his mouth again. “Did you feel anything?” 

It was his habit of asking. He kept hoping for a miracle, but none ever came. 

“I feel...what I felt before when we kissed,” Saïx replied. “But it’s like a phantom limb -- something that used to be there but has been cut off, yet it still sometimes seems as if it’s there.” 

Axel nodded. That was probably the least complicated way of putting it, but that’s how it was for him too. He ran a finger over Saïx’s face, tugging a little at the bandages, and said, “Why don’t we take a look at that scar?” 

Saïx flinched, turning his head away as if Axel’s touch was scalding him, and he picked his claymore back up, stomping away like a child throwing a temper tantrum. He’d been pretty touchy about the scar ever since he’d gotten it, and he always got irrationally angry if Axel ever fretted over it too much. Every couple of days, he was meant to put healing ointment and fresh bandages and leave it at that. 

Axel hadn’t told him he’d been working on healing magic, and when Saïx slept, he exerted himself to the point of exhaustion trying to heal him. If he could make it go away, then maybe Saïx would be a little happier with their situation. He hoped one day that it would go away entirely. Not because he found it ugly or anything, but because Saïx did. 

“Hey, please?” he asked, chasing after him. 

Saïx rounded on him quickly, the claymore swinging out and nearly catching him in the chest. “We should just train.” 

“We will, but just…” Axel was gentle as he slowly closed the distance between them, his fingers gliding softly as wind against the bandages. Saïx growled curses under his breath, but eventually he relented, his shoulders slumping and his eyes downcast as Axel slowly removed the bandages and tossed them to the floor. 

The scar was still there, but it was faint. No one would see it from a distance. It was still raw and red and scabbing over, but if Axel kept up learning stronger healing magic, he could probably get rid of it once and for all. It was nearly gone anyway. 

“Well?” Saïx asked, raising an eyebrow. “How is it?” 

Axel smiled, running his finger lightly over the X across his best friend’s face. “It doesn’t look bad at all. How does it feel?” 

Saïx shrugged, rubbing his arm nervously. “It’s kind of itchy.” 

“That’s just because it’s healing.” Axel leaned forward and pressed a kiss right in the middle of the X, and Saïx flinched away with a grunt of irritation and pain. Then slowly, his eyes closed, and he leaned into it as Axel let what little healing magic he knew flow through him. 

But there was something pushing back at him. At first it just felt like a gentle touch, but it slowly started to become stronger, like someone shoving at him and trying to knock him off his feet. He couldn’t describe it. It was like there was something inside Saïx that was trying to break loose. Something dark. Something…powerful. 

With a gasp, he jerked away, and suddenly, he couldn’t quite catch his breath. Saïx’s eyes widened with horror as he staggered backward, like he too had felt whatever just happened between the two of them. 

“Lea…” 

Axel touched the mark beneath his eye. He wasn’t crying, but he was sure if he could, he would be. “It’s healing. You’ll be fine. We should start training.” 

Saïx nodded, clearing his throat, and ran a hand through his hair. It was definitely longer now, and shaggier. He kept a tie around his wrist to pull it up, though he only used it when he was thinking too hard. Axel had seen him sit in the window and gaze out across the city skyline with pursed lips and a hardened gaze, and after long moments of silence, he would finally pull the tie off his wrist and pile his hair into a messy bun on top of his head. 

He did that tonight, leaving little messy wisps of blue hair dangling in front of his eyes. It made him look younger somehow, and at the same time full of so much knowledge and wisdom that it became a burden for him to carry. 

“Okay,” Saïx said, picking up his claymore and holding it in front of him. It still looked too large for him, too heavy, but he held it with determination and grace. “I’m going to try to hit you, and you’re going to parry. And remember the rule?” 

“Right,” Axel said, whipping out his chakrams. “No fire.” He was good with his weapons, but not in the same way that Saïx was. Sometimes he got a little out of control. The fire just helped him out. Sometimes setting his chakrams on fire and throwing them was the only way to get out of a fight. But he’d never used it against Saïx, and he never would. 

Saïx dropped into a fighting position. Something crossed his face that made Axel hesitate just a moment, and the thought crossed his mind that maybe they didn’t really need to train tonight, and instead, they should just go to bed. After all, they would have plenty of things to do tomorrow, and what was an hour of training at two in the morning going to accomplish? 

The moon shone down through the skylight, bathing Saïx in an ethereal light, a pool of angelic white that seemed to be meant only for him. It made his skin paler and his hair shine like the ocean. His eyes twinkled with starlight. While Axel was standing slack-jawed and in awe wondering if he had ever seen anything more beautiful, Saïx struck. 

It wasn’t an easy tap like what they had been practicing, but a heavy blow with the dull side of the blade directly to Axel’s ribs, knocking the wind right out of him. He exhaled sharply, staggering backward, and the white lights of the stars danced in his vision as he fell down, down, and hit the floor below with a crack from his elbow. It wasn’t broken, he knew, but still, it hurt, and there would probably be nasty bruises tomorrow. 

“What the hell?” he shouted. “I wasn’t ready!” 

Saïx shrugged, dropping the claymore to his side casually. “You’ll have to be quicker than that. Enemies aren’t going to wait for you to get ready. You saw me getting ready to strike --” 

“I was looking at you because you’re pretty!” Axel exclaimed, pushing himself to his feet with a heavy groan. He didn’t like the way Saïx was looking at him. There was something dark crossing his features, like a stormcloud. 

Saïx didn’t even react to the compliment. Normally he would at least give some sort of sarcastic comment, but now, he just looked bored. “I’m sure not all of our enemies are going to be ugly. You can’t be distracted by such mundane things.” 

Axel ran a hand through his hair. This was a bad idea. They needed to just go to bed. Saïx hadn’t slept well in days, and he was grumpy. That didn’t necessarily mean he was meaning to take his aggression out on Axel, and he certainly wasn’t going to hurt him, but he usually fought a lot harder and faster when he was stressed. It was hard to keep up with. 

“Saïx, maybe we should --” 

“Come on. We have a mission in Enchanted Dominion tomorrow, and we need to be prepared.” 

Axel swallowed hard and looked up at the sky. Had the moon gotten brighter, or was it just his imagination? It looked so much larger, so much closer. It looked as if...well, like it was being drawn to them. Or, not them. To Saïx. He studied his friend’s stance briefly, rubbing at his aching ribs, and he saw something predatory, something feral in his features. 

This was wrong. This was all very, very wrong. 

“Saïx, we are prepared --” 

“This was your idea!” His voice was far too loud, practically booming like thunder in the large, empty room. “Now come on. Parry my strike.” 

Axel nodded, getting into a fighting stance. “Okay. Go ahead and --” 

Saïx was quick, but Axel was quick too, and he managed to throw up one of his chakrams just in time to stop the claymore from smashing into his shoulder, and he redirected it until Saïx let go and stumbled forward. He had no time to recover, though. Saïx struck again, hitting him in the hip, and he howled and stabbed upward with his chakram, careful not to hit Saïx in the face. It grazed his skin lightly, but it was enough to anger him as he pressed forward with more force, more strength, delivering blow after blow that Axel could hardly keep up with. He was sweating and aching and sore and his muscles screamed for some sort of relief, but he continued on, parrying each strike as he was told to do until he collapsed to the ground, breathless and nauseated, with stars dancing in his vision. 

Saïx slammed his claymore into the ground next to his head, and if he had a heart, it would have dropped right into his stomach at that moment. He still wasn’t afraid that Saïx was going to hurt him, but he was definitely afraid that he would die from overexertion. 

Could he die from overexertion? He wasn’t sure. This new Nobody thing was weird. 

“Good,” Saïx said, which wasn’t what Axel had been expecting to hear. “You’re getting better.” He offered a hand to Axel, which Axel gladly took, and helped him to his feet. He didn’t even look like he was breaking a sweat. Unbelievable. 

“I cut you there,” Axel said, poking at a small, bloody spot on Saïx’s chin. It looked like nothing more than an accident shaving or something, but still, it filled him with guilt. Training shouldn’t be like this between them. They got roughed up by Xaldin and Lexaeus enough that this was just supposed to be child’s play. They were friends. They were...boyfriends? Axel wasn’t entirely sure about that. 

“Yeah, but I’m fine,” Saïx said, wiping the blood away with the back of his hand. “Are you ready to go again?” 

Axel shook his head, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. “Maybe we could just call it a night? We could hit the showers and cuddle in your room --” 

“How is that going to help?” Saïx’s eyes were wild. Axel wasn’t entirely sure he understood what had gotten him so upset in the first place. He looked up at the sky again. Full moon. Hadn’t he read stories back in the day of what happened to some people during the full moon? His mom worked part-time at the hospital back in Radiant Garden, and she sometimes used the term “lunatics” and blamed her bad shifts on the full moon. 

“It’s when the crazies come out, son,” Lea’s dad had told him, which seemed a little wrong to say then, and it especially seemed wrong now because Isa was still in there, Isa was not crazy. 

And then he remembered werewolves. Yes, there were comics he’d read before they came here, comics about people being bit by these giant wolf creatures, and during the full moon, they turned into one of those monsters as well, ravaging the land and murdering every living thing in sight. They often bore scars in their human state. Some of the panels had these big, hairy, monstrous creatures covered in blood with matted fur and glowing eyes, with entrails hanging from their fanged maws. 

But Saïx hadn’t been bitten by a wolf creature, so that was impossible. He was just stressed, that was all. It had nothing to do with the moon, nothing to do with nighttime, nothing to do with --

“Something is happening,” Saïx said, halfway in a daze. “I feel…” 

“Feel?” Axel asked, tilting his head in confusion. They couldn’t feel. They were hollow shells of nothing. 

“You try to strike me now,” Saïx said, breaking from his reverie, “and I’ll try to block.” 

“Okay,” Axel said a bit nervously, “but after this, can we go to bed?” 

“All you ever want to do is sleep,” Saïx sneered. “We have too much to figure out, too many things to accomplish.” 

“And that can all wait for tomorrow, okay? Just calm --” 

“Strike me!” he bellowed, and Axel flinched and did as he was told, moving swiftly as he zigzagged across the floor toward his friend and leaped into the air, coming down hard as he swept his chakrams just inches from Saïx’s face. Saïx did not manage to block as Axel rounded on him and kicked his feet out from underneath him, sending him hurtling to the floor, but he was back on his feet in record time, and he was angry. They lived in a world filled with darkness; it was always hovering right beside them like a shadow, a hidden power for them to use at their will. But there was something seriously dark at work here. Axel was practically choking on it. 

"Good," Saïx said, wiping away the blood dripping from his mouth now. Axel didn't even remember hitting him at all. Everything was such a blur. His breath was coming in bated, short gasps as he stood, waiting for his friend to make the next move. "Let's go again." 

"What are you doing?" Axel asked. "Are you trying to get me to hurt you? Because I won't --" 

Saïx came rushing at him unexpectedly, his claymore poised directly at Axel's face. Something that felt distinctly like panic seized Axel violently, and he quickly threw up a chakram to block and redirected the blow. 

"I...sa," he said through gasping breaths, bending over to try to recover some air. "You could have --" 

"Hit me!" He lashed out again, catching Axel in the side.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" Axel screamed. 

They were in a violent dance now, circling one another and striking out, blocking, parrying. Axel could feel fire burning right underneath the surface, angry, desperate, ready to break free, but he wouldn't do it, he wouldn't --

The moon was agonizingly bright. Axel squinted his eyes as he threw his arm back and tried to knock Saïx away, but he missed, and Saïx hit him right in the spine, sending him toppling forward face-first to the ground. He groaned, rubbing at his aching bones, and flipped over to gaze at him, standing there underneath the pale glow of the moon with blood oozing from his mouth and his lips curled back into a sneer. 

There was something happening to him, something awful, and Axel was watching him transform right before his eyes. 

"W-were --" he tried to say, but the word fell flat, and he felt stupid for even saying it. Even as Saïx's eyes began to glow a sulfurous, ugly yellow, just like the monsters from Axel's comics. Even then, he didn't think that was quite right because it couldn't be quite right. Saïx was just a regular Nobody like him, just someone with --

Saïx lunged, like some sort of creature pouncing on its prey, and Axel rolled out of the way just in time, throwing up a wall of flames that surrounded him. Kept him warm. Protected him. 

Saïx's cry of rage and pain echoed horrifyingly off the walls of the room, and through the now dissipating flames, he could see Saïx clutching his burned, reddened hand. A weak sound escaped Axel's lips, somewhere between a gasp and a sob, and he got to his knees, crawling toward his injured friend, healing magic already pulsing through his fingers. 

Saïx groaned, and suddenly he tossed his claymore to the side and it rose, rose like it was being carried by the wind, or like magic. But Saïx didn't know magic, did he? Axel stopped in his tracks, watching in horror as Saïx raised his arms toward the sky and the moon shone brighter, brighter, brighter, until it was so bright that Axel had to shield his eyes for fear of going blind. He heard a roar, and for a moment it felt like his insides were twisting in on themselves, and he moaned, halfway in horror and halfway in pain. 

"Isa…" Axel said, hoping that his voice would tear through whatever darkness this was, but Saïx seemed to be in his own little protective bubble, far away from the fight that had just ensued. His eyes began to glow brighter, turning to an even more horrible shade of white, and then his scar was cracking open as well, the scabs falling away as blood began to fall down his pale face in rivers. Now it was glowing too, burning like a white-hot flame, and Axel didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do, could only stare as Saïx slowly began to rise from the ground as well. Like he was possessed. Oh gods, what would he rather deal with? A werewolf or demons? 

He swallowed against the lump in his throat and tried again. "Isa…" But the word was weak, pathetic, falling quietly on the ground as the claymore doubled and then tripled and circled around his friend like a cyclone, like a magnet being drawn directly to him. 

Clutching his chakrams to his chest, Axel staggered to his feet. He didn't know what was happening. If he called for help, would anyone come? Would they do something to hurt Saïx? He didn't want him to get hurt; he just wanted whatever this was to stop. 

"Isa, can you hear me?" He tried again. 

The thing that had taken over his best friend turned its horrible face to Axel, his lips curled into a snarl over sharp fangs. His hair was wild. He was panting and twitching and glowing brighter than any moon as the scar on his face continued to crack open. Darkness was pulsing through him. Axel could taste warm copper in his mouth, and he realized that he had bitten his tongue in his panic. 

"Isa?" 

And then he lunged. 

He was faster than before, far faster. And it seemed he had suddenly gotten stronger too. He tackled Axel to the ground, his hands wrapping firmly around Axel's wrists as he pinned him down, his snarling face hovering just inches away. Blood dripped onto Axel's face. He dropped his chakrams and let out a weak moan as he tried to conjure up some sort of fire. He felt nothing burning inside of him. His whole body felt like jelly. 

"Isa, stop! Stop!" he screamed, thrashing around underneath his weight, but despite his attempts, he could not escape. His eyes stung and his mouth felt full of cotton balls, and he kicked. He kicked and thrashed and fought back as hard as he could but made no sort of progress. The claymores circled above Isa's head, whirling slowly for a moment and then finally landing hard in the ground, stabbing through the floor right beside Axel's head. He screamed, and Saïx threw his head back in an enraged roar. 

"What is wrong with you?" Axel screamed. "Get off of me! Get off!" He finally landed a good kick, and Saïx growled curses and fell away from him, heaving like he couldn't get enough air. 

Axel stared, mouth agape, unsure what he was supposed to do now. He grabbed one of his chakrams and held it in front of him, never taking his eyes off of Saïx as he backed away. Saïx paced, back and forth, back and forth like an animal held in captivity and then he threw his arms forward and the claymores were all flying at Axel. He screamed, and the sheer stress of it all was enough to produce a wall of fire in front of him that rose like fingers toward the tall ceiling, engulfing the room in an orange glow. The claymores fell to the ground with a dull thud. Saïx made more angry, grumbling noises, and Axel waited in silence, watching the flames grow taller and taller until he could not see his friend at all. 

“Isa?” he called. His voice sounded distant, foreign. The flames were starting to die, and, clutching his chakram to his chest, he made his way down the narrow path between the walls of fire toward where he guessed his friend should be. Smoke curled around him, and he could hear coughing now, followed by heaving groans that sounded almost ghostly. It was like the voice of a haunting spirit who had died a painful death and was just reliving it over and over again. Axel shuddered at the thought. 

“Isa, what’s going on?” he asked timidly. Timid wasn’t in his nature, but he was terrified, heart or no heart. His legs were shaking so much that he could barely walk. 

But if we can’t feel anything, he thought to himself, then what’s happening to me now? My best friend is a monster, and -- 

No. Saïx was not a monster. There was an easy explanation for this. There had to be. Maybe he was having a nightmare. Maybe…

“Lea…” Saïx was hunched over in a fetal position, his face buried in his hands and a pool of blood forming at his feet. Axel felt bile rising in his throat, and he choked it back. He hadn’t been sick since they’d lost their hearts, but this was probably a reasonable thing to make it happen. 

“Isa, what happened?” He looked up at the skylight and noticed that the night sky was perfectly normal now. In fact, it was darker, and clouds were beginning to roll in and obscure the moon and stars. A light rain was falling against the roof. He fell to his knees, dropping his weapon and laying a gentle hand on his friend’s back. He felt cold. Too cold. Like death. “Are you hurt? What --”

Saïx raised his head, and Axel startled slightly at the sight of it. But he couldn’t freak out, no, because obviously Saïx was more afraid than he was right now. He had to stay strong, had to...oh, but that was a lot of blood. 

“Come here,” he said, carefully cupping Saïx’s face in his hand. His eyes were still glowing, though they were starting to dull. His scar was bleeding profusely, and blood matted his blue hair to his cheeks and forehead. He took in shaky breaths that rattled through his whole body and felt vaguely like sobs. “How badly are you hurt? Do I need to wake someone up?” 

Saïx shook his head. “I’m not…” He blinked. His eyes were back to normal, though his teeth still looked way too sharp for Axel’s liking. “I’m not hurt. I’m fine.” 

“Liar,” Axel said, nudging him with his shoulder. Saïx let out a weary breath and collapsed against him, his head falling onto Axel’s chest. Axel wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly, lightly running his fingers through Saïx’s bloody, sweaty hair. “What was that?” 

“My powers,” Saïx replied. His hands were shaking as he grabbed onto Axel’s jacket and buried his face into it. There was blood everywhere, but Axel didn’t care. “I don’t know...I just felt like I…”

“It was kind of like you were going berserk,” Axel said with a light, humorless laugh. Sometimes it was easier to try to make a joke than to stare directly into the eyes of the darkness they were facing. But he didn’t really feel like joking right now. Saïx was hurt, and what was he supposed to do? 

Saïx hesitated, shaking weakly in Axel’s arms, then nodded slowly. “Yes. Yes, like going berserk. I lost control of myself. I didn’t know where I was or who I was or who you were. I just saw an enemy, and I…” He shuddered, and his voice grew very small, nearly inaudible. “All I could think about was killing you.” 

Axel swallowed hard, looking everywhere in the room except at the crumpled mess of his best friend curled up on his lap. He knew that something had happened to them when Ansem -- Xemnas -- had taken their hearts; that’s why they all had these wonderful powers now. But what had he done to Saïx? How close had he been to this so-called darkness they were trying to research before he was dragged back into their reality of nonexistence? 

“You didn’t kill me, though!” Axel exclaimed, hoping that his enthusiasm, however fake it might be, would be infectious. “You snapped out of it really quick, and…” He sighed. “Look, all we need to do is keep working on it and learn as much as we can so you can control it.” 

“You? Wanting to learn?” Saïx’s voice was dry, humorless, but Axel laughed anyway, and when he looked down at Saïx, he could see the tiniest hint of a smile pulling at his lips too. He hardly ever smiled anymore, but it was wonderful when he did. 

“Yeah, I guess I’d pick up a few books for you,” Axel said, nudging him slightly. With a sigh, he placed a hand on Saïx’s face and felt the healing magic pulse through his fingers. It was the bare minimum of skill, not nearly enough to fix this mess, but still, he tried. “Are you feeling better?” 

“No,” Saïx replied. “How can I feel better when I can’t feel anything at all?” 

“Good question. I’m not really sure.” 

They were silent for a moment. Axel felt Saïx relax against him, and he looked down at him and smiled a little. His eyes were closed, his hands still holding firmly to Axel’s coat. He was falling asleep. For the first time in days, perhaps he could get some rest. 

“Hey, let’s get you cleaned up and go to bed,” Axel said, shaking Saïx’s shoulder just slightly to wake him. Saïx looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, and Axel cupped his chin and tilted his face upward, pressing a kiss against his forehead. 

“What if I was never meant to learn control, though?” Saïx asked as Axel helped him to his feet, and for a brief second, Axel was frozen to the spot, not sure how to respond. “What if I’m just supposed to blindly attack whatever is in front of me? What if that was the plan all along? Maybe he was just trying to create the perfect killing machine.” 

“Stop,” Axel hissed, but it made sense. Ansem had taken a particular interest in Isa during the brief time they were working in the castle in Radiant Garden, though that had been their plan all along, to get close to the leader and learn as much as possible. Still…

They were all deadly. Axel could argue that with a little bit more training, he could easily burn an entire village down if given the chance, and he could hold his own in a fight with no problem. They were all powerful, but at least they had control. Saïx, on the other hand…

“Let’s get some rest. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” 

Axel could not feel terror, but in a way, he knew that he was afraid. Afraid for Saïx and afraid of him. But it didn’t matter. None of it did. Saïx was his best friend, the love of his life. The only person he had left from his former life. No one else mattered. 

“We’re in this together,” he said, taking Saïx’s hand. “I’m never going to leave you alone. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all can follow me on Twitter @moonshinedown2. I need more people to talk with about Kingdom Hearts and ATLA.


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